I am a long time believer in miracles because I’ve been lucky enough to see them happen throughout my life in different ways. Whether it was the synchronicity that led me to the current company I work for, or the way my husband came into my life at the ripe age of 12, I believe miracles are possible and that everything, as beautiful or shitty as it may be, happens for a reason.
I would be remiss not to share in the miracle I am experiencing now. One year ago, around September, my Grandma Jean paid me a visit. Unexpected, being that she passed away when I was only eight years old. I have always stayed very close to her in spirit but up to this point she had never visited me in such a real way. She was statuesque in a long flowing slate blue dress, holding a bundle wrapped up in a white blanket. She told me the bundle was going to be my baby someday. Then she was gone. I told a close friend and a few family members that I thought might believe me just in case the vision ever turned into more than just a vision.
I felt she was protecting this baby while I was sorting through things on earth. I also had an intuitive or “psychic” share with me this same thing a few weeks after I was impressed upon by it. How was it that she could see the same thing I was seeing? I was floored by the possibility.
Little did I know that “sorting through things” was going to have so much more meaning, as I began to feel something was wrong. I confirmed it was in fact wrong with the news of early stage cervical cancer. The successful procedure that followed could mean pregnancy could be tough for me. I fought through the possibility of not being able to get or stay pregnant by throwing myself into work and bodybuilding. I was determined to make myself the strongest I had ever been so I could be the strongest version of myself during this time.
Months went by and after a great spring competition season, I found myself losing sight of my bodybuilding goals, and decided to take a step back and focus on building a healthy body, not just a strong, ultra-lean one. The baby thoughts began flooding in as soon as the bodybuilding dreams washed away.
Along with the baby thoughts, I began to focus on my own spirituality, for the first time in what felt like a long time. I thought that if I knew more than ever about what I believed in and who I was, it would aide me in guiding a family alongside my husband, Drake.
I began diving into books on spirituality, angels, God, you name it. I began praying and meditating regularly. Taking back my spirituality was making me feel so awake in the best of ways. I was feeling less anxious, more forgiving, and overall just unbothered by things that didn’t matter. To top it off, my feeling for gratitude exploded.
On a lazy Saturday evening in October, I was diving into prayer and meditation, but after a few minutes, started to feel I wasn’t alone in the room. I wasn’t. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was once again, my Grandma Jean in the ever beautiful slate blue gown. It glimmered with long sheer sleeves, lace detail across the chest, and thin beautiful pleating running down the long flowing skirt. She started by saying, “I want you to know I’m going to protect you through all this.”
What does that even mean? She began talking about my parents and grandfather, as I sat there in disbelief at what was happening. Her personality was just as commanding as it was when she was alive. She wasn’t the Grandma who told you how cute you were as she kissed your cheeks. She was the one who told you to be stronger, stand taller and let me tell you, she took shit from absolutely no one. When Grandma spoke, everyone listened. She hadn’t changed a bit, even down to her bouffant hair and lipstick. I’m a tad surprised she didn’t have a cigarette in her hand. She was a force to be reckoned with in life and death alike. I couldn’t believe it. I could see her again. She was talking to me.
As soon as my meditation ended, I FaceTimed my parents to fact check me. There was a possibility I was losing my marbles you know. I told them everything Grandma said, and the first thing they asked, with teary eyes was about what she was wearing. I told them, my dad gasped and my mom ran to get their wedding book. They shuffled through pages and when they stopped on a photo of her they both said, “She was wearing the dress she wore the day of our wedding.” Wow.
The next day, I couldn’t stop thinking about my visit from Grandma. As I backtracked through each moment, it dawned on me. In the first vision I ever had of her she was holding a baby. This time she was not. Where did the baby go? There was no bundle to be found. Did this mean it was no longer in my cards, or that something went terribly wrong? I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened to the swaddled little thing in her arms and never got a chance to ask her. What did she mean when she said she was protecting me “through all this?”
I got to thinking…What if the baby wasn’t with Grandma Jean because it was now with me? Is the baby with me? Could it be possible that my grandmother held this baby in her arms from heaven keeping her safe, and she has now given that baby to me without my even realizing it? I ran upstairs and took a pregnancy test. Oh. My. Word. The baby WAS with me. I’m pregnant. The baby IS with me. I always had a strong connection and feeling my grandmother was looking after me, but I could never fathom it could be in this way. I can feel her protection so strongly now.
Maybe, just maybe my urge to get to know God again was no coincidence. The soul-exploration I went on opened my heart up, allowing my grandmother to come and deliver an important message to me from above. Maybe I just became a better listener. I think these little miracles were all leading up to the big miracle that is the special little one I’m carrying now. My body wasn’t ready for a baby a year ago, so it sent me warning signs so I could have a healthy body in time for the pregnancy. I can’t even begin to imagine what this story would sound like if I didn’t listen to my intuition a year ago.
God is good, but I never knew He could be THIS good. I can’t believe I’m going to be a mom. I’m so grateful for it. Don’t ever doubt that God has a miracle waiting for you too. Just when you think not, He very well might surprise you in the most astounding and beautiful of ways. All that is required is an open heart, and maybe an overly protective loved one cheering for you on the other side. 😉